Getting nervous (not)

It's fascinating, whenever I have a pending big event (e.g. graduation, leaving home, 30th birthday, or in this case, a wedding), to discover what it's like to be on the receiving end of the stock-standard questions people ask you in the lead up [Disclaimer: I don't consider any of these questions are unreasonable or silly, I'm simply intrigued by my personal response/reaction now that I'm in the situation of being asked them]. 

For example: 'Ooh, only a month or so to go, you must be busy/getting stressed?'  My poor mother had to phone me to check there was nothing she was forgetting to do, because she had been asked this a few times and was feeling no stress.

Or: 'Will you be sleeping in separate rooms the night before?'  Well, no.  In our case we've been living together for over 3 years now, so it makes no sense to waste a lovely night in a lovely four-poster bed in a lovely castle for the sake of tradition.  This is a similar response to many questions I get regarding wedding traditions.  What I love about this day and age and 'modern' weddings, is that we can pick and choose the traditions we like, that suit us, that are appropriate to us.  No, my dress is not white.  I have a hard time keeping red wine and chocolate off my clothes at the best of times.  Yes, my dad will be walking me down the aisle as is traditional, because it feels right.  No, our cake is not a traditional cake, because we don't like the taste of traditional wedding cake.  Yes, there will be a first dance because you only get a first dance once.

We now live in a day and age where us women no longer have to marry at all, because we can support ourselves financially without the help of a man.  So if we do choose to get married we really can be doing it for all the other (right) reasons such as, I dunno, love?, wanting to be with the other person?), instead of having to find the most eligible available bachelor.  Despite us no longer being in the era of Eliza's and Darcy's, and marrying for prestige, status and money, the most frequently asked question of a bride-to-be (in my experience) is still: 'Are you getting nervous yet?'  I'm sure many brides-to-be still get nervous in the lead-up to their wedding, in my case if any nerves do set in it'll be more to do with falling over my dress, or having forgotten something.  But generally the nerves people seem to expect of me are those regarding the act of getting married itself.  I am of a school of thought that if I were nervous about getting married, I shouldn't really be getting married, because I live in a time when I really don't have to unless I'm sure.  So no, I am not getting nervous.  I am looking forward to marrying Gregg, and more importantly, to being married to him.

Getting festive

What better way to spend a day in Scotland in the lead up to Christmas than at the local primary school helping 6 year olds make paper angels and cover the floor in glitter, calling the gay gordon's in the senior class scottish country dancing lesson, watching the angel walk on enthusiastically scratching her bottom in junior school nativity play rehearsal, and finishing off the day choreographing mimed fights between the pigs for the senior school panto.  Marvellous!

Getting technical

It's been a long time since I was involved in amateur dramatics, and the technical side of amateur dramatics for that matter.  Former Cecilian tech crew colleagues will be pleased to know that I have not lost the knack.  I spent this morning helping out dad (and in turn the am dram society he is involved in and their fabulous pantomime) by hand-painting the words to their sing-along song on a large sheet of canvas.  It looks amazing, if I say so myself.  Ahem.

The smells of winter in National Park

Smoke from the fire, always lingering in my hair from multiple attempts to blow it back in to life.
Damp cat, does he have to jump up on me the moment he comes in the door?!
Oil, diesel and grease on G. The gore-tex winter uniform soaks it up and it sticks to him all winter.
Frost. Those mornings when you don't even need to look outside to know the car will be caked in ice.
Rum. Hot rum, with blackcurrant and honey. This year we've added green ginger wine too. Yum...

Seeing it in the littlies

I'm absolutely loving being a student teacher and can't wait to be a real one. My practical placement was great, with the senior kids. There were some awesome lightbulb moments where you'd see them just suddenly get it and off they'd go. Wow...
And my day a week at a local school in a class at the other end of the spectrum - new entrants - is equally rewarding. I know I've made the right choice for me with teaching.

It makes me giggles sometimes when I recognise people I know in the 5 year olds. The cheeky little monkey who is just like my brother at that age. The gorgeous wee lad who reminds me so intensely but beautifully of my dearly missed friend Ray. And then there's that one girl. Oh dear. That's what I must have been like; what a little bossy boots!

Love it.

Let the fun begin...

Tomorrow is the first day of my first official school placement as a student teacher. I'm constantly switching between downright nervous and excitedly apprehensive. I've managed to veer more towards the latter though and I'm really looking forward to getting stuck in. I have a very supportive Associate Teacher (the real class teacher), it's a great little school and I can't wait to see the past few months of study in context.

I am truly thriving on being a student again and getting those brain cells back up to full levels of fitness. The different courses have their own styles and are each challenging, interesting and sometimes very thought-provoking. I wasn't too sure how distance study from my wee desk at home was going to go, but I'm really in the swing of it now and don't like it when I get distracted. It's great!

Making up for lost time

For years I have avoided mountain biking. Every now and again I would go out and remind myself of how much I did not enjoy long breathless thigh-burning slogs uphill and bonerattling corner-skidding downhills. I'll stick to walking, thank you very much.
That was until I discovered what it's like to ride on a good, well-equipped bike. Disc brakes, front suspension, smooth gears... The difference is indescribable, other than that I finished a mountain bike ride absolutely exhilarated for the first time ever. So recently I invested in a very sexy, high-spec mountain bike and I LOVE it. I get out for a wee spin on it every day and we go exploring the area's mountain bike tracks at least one day every weekend. Definitely making up for lost time! I highly recommend giving it a go.

Please help the people of Christchurch!

Right now and over the coming months, the people of Christchurch need all the support they can get. If you are able, please donate money to the 3 main funds below, if you're in New Zealand you can also donate through your bank or go the Red Cross website for your country and donate there:

Red Cross New Zealand - www.redcross.org.nz
Christchurch Earthquake Appeal - www.christchurchearthquakeappeal.govt.nz
Salvation Army NZ - www.salvationarmy.org.nz

There is also a whole heap of information for donating from within New Zealand on the TVNZ website here: http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/donate-christchurch-quake-appeals-4038581

Diary of an Earthquake

This post was started originally as a 'Diary of a Fledgling Student Teacher', to track my progress and thoughts during my 2-week residential course in Christchurch kick-starting my teaching degree. However, a day and a bit into it, the earth shook and, quite frankly, changed my world along with everyone else's who was there. I've tried now to take the time to keep note of my experience of the earthquake and the days that followed.
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22 Feb 2011

12.30 - The morning's classes were awesome! Really good Q&A session with graduating students followed by an inspiring lecture from our literacy teacher. Lunchtime now and have to also pick up our coursework documents for the coming semester.

12.45 - A bunch of us join te back of the queue for coursework pick up.

12.51 - Angie finds my name on the list and ticks it off. But before she can show me which package is mine, WHACK! A huge bang then a rumble and a roar and everything starts to shake around us. Angie takes complete control. 'Get down! Get near a wall! Hold on to something!' she yells. I glance at Lisa who, like me has grabbed hold of a wheelie bin. Maybe not the best earthquake protection. We let go and get near the wall. People are screaming. It feels worse than any rollercoaster or airplane turbulence I've ever experienced and I never ever want to see the building I'm in be thrown around like that. But it's just an aftershock, right? From the September earthquake? They warned us we might feel one. The building's not actually falling down. Sure, paving tiles outside are jumping up, but it's just an aftershock, right? Mind you, if this is an aftershock, what the hell does a proper earthquake feel like?!
We evacuate. It's raining outside but I've got my big umbrella. We gather in the sports field. Hang on, staff members are sobbing. The Pro-Vice Chancellor tells us to go home, we hear the words 'significant damage to buildings', 'updates on the University website'. I can't get through to Gregg but I've got a frantic voicemail from him. Where is he? I start to worry, and an aftershock hits.

13.15 - I'm not sure I like the idea of walking home alone. A woman going the same direction tells me her colleague was on the 4th floor and had the windows crashing in around him as he ran. I pick up my pace.

13.30 - Phew, Tom's ok. And Gregg's finally got through on the phone and garbled something about Manchester Street trashed and making his way home. But we have no power.

13.37 - The texts from up north start to come through. 'U kids ok?', '6.3 5km deep', 'Steeple down on the cathedral', and more, confusing and conflicting reports. Friends of ours were in the Square but they're ok. Holy hell, this is worse than I thought.

14.50 - A big aftershock. Tom and I decide to take a walk outside. The chimney's twisted and will have to come down. Where on earth is Gregg??

15.00 - I walk out to the road to keep an eye out for Gregg. I don't trust my legs anymore. Is it them that's shaking or the ground? It's both.

17.30 - Gregg's home. He was driving down Manchester Street in the city centre when it hit. The light was changing to amber as he went across an intersection. Next thing all hell broke loose and buildings were falling down around his ears. He watched in the rearview mirror as where he had only been just seconds before became a pile of masonry and rubble with people underneath. A guy in a car further along seems to just have suffered broken ribs but his car is totalled. Gregg helped where he could then started the long drive home through scenes of liquefaction, cracked roads and bridges, destroyed homes and dazed and terrified people. We're lucky to still have him with us.

 Manchester Street, where Gregg was. He was down by the building with the green scaffolding at the far end.

Image courtesy of the media.

18.47 - The power's back on. We put the TV back on its stand (it was thrown off in the earthquake) and turn it on for the first images we've seen of what's going on out there. Words can't describe it. And still the aftershocks continue.

23.00 - We've sat watching the news, replying to texts and calls from family and friends all evening and can't take any more of it in. We go to bed fully dressed. I've packed my handbag with all our valuables in the car. We don't expect to get much sleep tonight. We move the bed to the other wall, away from under the window with hairline cracks above it. As we crawl into bed, another aftershock rocks the house.
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23 Feb 2011

Wanting to help
Sure enough, the aftershocks came thick and fast all night. I woke up just wanting to help, but it was clear only skilled personnel were wanted in the city centre. So we packed up a bag of cuddly toys and children's books and headed to Burnside School, where a welfare and evacuation centre has been set up. The kids' supplies never got used, but Tom's high vis vests did.

I spent most of the day people-herding - essentially customer service. From Burnside, hundreds of out-of-towners were being processed and put into the enormous queue for buses to the airport, where they were put onto Airforce jets to Wellington. I just stood myself at the obvious spot to meet, greet and direct people desperate to get out.

Some particular individuals stick in my mind:

• The North American chap so terrified he made me move away from all surrounding buildings before he'd continue; the best I could do for him was give him a big hug before showing him where to register.
• The Swiss girl, one of many who had lost everything when her backpackers collapsed. She was desperate for a change of underwear.
• The American couple who wanted to go to Dunedin, not Welly, and patiently waited for news on this, smiling and chatting away the whole time.
• The heavily pregnant woman who really didn't want to skip the queue, despite her condition.
• The young girls who spent the whole day making sure everyone was well supplied with water and food.

It felt good to be helping. It felt even better to see the incredible sense of community and compassion that seems to happen almost naturally among the people waiting in the queue.

Seeing it
Gregg ended up driving stranded Cantabrians back to their suburb. I went along for a ride and was finally confronted for the first time with the scenes of sheer destruction in their cold reality. Huge sink holes in the road caused by liquefaction, where cars had been nose down in them. Liquefaction looks like small volcanoes of black sand that have erupted out of the ground. Or where it's more sever, the black liquid sand covers everything. Power poles have sunk into it too, bringing overhead cables dangerously low. We saw residents putting hup handwritten 'low wire' warning signs. Other signs were up too: 'Rubberneckers not welcome, go home', 'If you're not here to help, F*** off!'. I felt incredibly uncomfortable being there. You can only drive at a crawl. And seeing houses shaken off their foundations like that... Most houses are still actually standing, but if you look low down at the corners, all the bricks are loose and cracked away from the rest of the structure. It's really brought home how long a path these guys have to go. And how very lucky we are.

 Liquefaction in Christchurch.

 Image courtesy of 3news.co.nz

Mobile phones
Yesterday really drilled home how utterly dependent we are on mobile phones. Network coverage has only sort of come back fully today and it's such a relief. When the earthquake hit, all I wanted to do was check Gregg was ok, but we just couldn't get through. Texts took an hour to arrive. And then there was no power, so no way of charging them even for text message use. It was scary and isolating.
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24 Feb 2011

It finally hit me today. I actually really thought I was ok. But someone said something in the wrong way today (not even about the earthquake) and I found myself hiding in the car in floods of tears. Stupid. Irrational. Then I realised what it was really about - the earthquake. I almost lost Gregg. I'm still pretty shaky so it's good we spent most of the day working on Gregg's garden. A great bit of therapy that I expect we'll repeat tomorrow.
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25 Feb 2011
The news
I'm finding it hard to watch much more of the TV coverage. It's getting difficult to absorb. I also feel guilty for not helping out more, but it's quite clear that they currently have more volunteers than they know what to do with. But I can't shake the guilt feeling. Constantly watching the TV coverage is becoming totally mind-numbing, especially once they've repeated the same information and footage multiple times. Extracting what's actually 'news' is pretty hard. Mayor Bob Parker is impressive though. Apparently he's not hugely liked by all of his colleagues on council, but boy he's one hell of leader in a disaster like this.

17.40 - big aftershock
The aftershocks have actually been dying out where we are. But there was a real big'n just now. We'd just parked up at the supermarket and were still in the car when it hit. It was surreal - it was a damn big one, the car was bouncing around and we could see the windows on the supermarket shaking like anything, but no one seemed to react. No running, no screaming, just carrying on despite what was happening. Weird...
You really don't feel most of the aftershocks if you're moving around, but the big ones you feel regardless.

Block Course
My block course has officially been cancelled. We'll now start thinking about going home. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave, but I'm equally unsure that I'd achieve much by staying.

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26 Feb 2011
I woke up this morning from the best night's sleep I've had in days and, as far as I'm aware, the first night without tangible wake-me-up aftershocks since Tuesday. Apparently there were a few but I slept right through them. Possibly something to do with the 2 bottles of wine Michelle and I consumed together last night...
We've stopped sleeping fully clothed, and we've started being able to have showers and flush the toilet again. We still have to boil all water, the front door stays unlocked at night and my handbag still lives in the car. Nevertheless, in a home with no damage, with power and water and no loss of life, life really is starting to resemble normality again. The crazy queues at petrol stations are gone. You can find bread, water and toilet paper in the supermarkets again. I know that in other parts of town this is far from the case, but I've also realised it's a human instinct, a basic human need to return to a routine as soon as possible. We can only stay in disaster and survival mode for as long as we absolutely have to, and then we start to move on. It feels weird and I feel a bit guilty about it. But you can see it happening everywhere.
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28 Feb 2011

It's time to go. Gregg left yesterday and it's my turn today. Air New Zealand have really come to the party to help people out. They've changed the date and destination of my return flight free of charge.
I feel bad going. The Student Volunteer Army are now asking for more volunteers. But I know that the longer I stay, the more strain I put on services that are badly needed by the people who live here. I wouldn't be doing my sanity any favours either by staying and at some point I do need to return to my own reality and get on with it. I'm not from Christchurch, I'm not a true part of this and I don't belong here. It's time to go. But you can bet you'll still be at the forefront of my mind, Christchurch. A fundraiser back home is in the offing, I reckon.

Kia kaha, Christchurch, be strong.

New photos online! - UK trip

Photos of the trip to the UK are now up on my flickr page in 3 sets:

Part 1 - 1-29 November (the bit with Gregg)
Graham & Kirsty's wedding, 6th November
Part 2 - 30 Nov 2010 - 4 Jan 2011 (the bit without Gregg)

Enjoy!

It's been a while (group email)

Hello! Happy new year!

End of 2010 was spent in the UK and it was a magical, special trip.

My brother got married in perfect Graham and Kirsty style in early November - a beautiful couple of days that will stick in our memories forever.

Gregg stayed in the country a bit longer than his whirlwind jet-lagged 10 day initiation in 2008, and hung around for a month before heading back to NZ, leaving me at home for a further 5 weeks. The major focus of this visit was time with family and it was great to be able to do that. The crazy snowfall definitely changed plans a heck of a lot (although if we thought that was bad, I'd still rather a 'mild' disruption than the flood hell they're going through in parts of Australia at the moment!), and it also had its upside: mum works at a school, so with the closures got lots of extra days off for us to spend together!

I still packed in snippets of the old favourites and smatterings of new experiences too - lots of trips to Boots, Marks & Spencers and Long Tall Sally; castles galore; walks with the dog; a visit to Grandie in the Lake District; building a snow fort in the garden; lots of music playing; helping Graham & Kirsty decorate their new home; a weekend in London to see Kathy and show Gregg the big lights of a real city ;o); panto; and so the list goes on. I may also have single-handedly kept the gluhwein stall at the Edinburgh German Christmas Market afloat in a short space of time...

It's always a treasure to have christmas at home and we also had the (now rare) pleasure of the original 5 Odds seeing in the new year together with 'mental' fireworks (see earlier blog post).

Despite it taking a 36-hour, screaming baby filled flight to get back it really did all seem to be over in a flash. I'm sat here in shorts and sandals avoiding the blazing sunshine outside and pondering the next 4 weeks of close to nothing before my teacher training course kicks off. Very strange. The next few months will also include a possible move of house (watch this space), plenty of outdoorsy stuff and the return to NZ of a good friend (yay!). Quietly exciting times.

Lots of new photos are up, including the trip to the UK - http://www.flickr.com/photos/oddballproductions/.

Attention attention

When I have kids they are not going to be brought up to be attention-seeking, whinging, disrespectful brats. Not if I can help it. They will be well-behaved on longhaul flights from an early age, just like the majority of little ones on today's flight. Hopefully.
The same can unfortunately not be said of the 2 year old mogwai monster sat four seats along from me from London to Sydney. Dear god. For the (short) periods it was asleep, blissful peace to be had. The moment it woke up, the non-stop screaming and kicking started. After observing this for, ooh, the best part of 20 hours, it was very clear to all of us in the vicinity grinding our teeth, that this was a classic case of clueless and/or overly liberal parenting. The moment mum or dad gave it attention, be it food, cooling water on the face, playtime, whatever, the noise stopped. Way to go guys. It's not his fault at the moment, but I'd hate to meet the horror he will turn in to. Next time, start with a pet for practice. Or just call Super Nanny.
It's certainly provided me with a new record for lack of sleep on a longhaul flight.

Another goodbye

If I can make a recommendation (and if you have a choice in the matter), try and avoid falling in love with someone foreign. Don't get me wrong, I love Gregg to pieces and now I have him I wouldn't get rid of him for the world. But the net result of, at the moment at least, living on the other side of the world from my mum and dad and everyone else is hard. I've just said goodbye to my parents. Again. And it really doesn't get easier with experience. Even though I know I'll be back at the end of the year, that Skype is a marvellous invention, and that I've got lots of very exciting stuff to be getting on with in New Zealand, there's still such a big part of me that wants to stay here. Another bigger bit though can't wait to see Gregg again too.

Like I said, don't fall in love with a foreigner. It can be a health and sanity hazard!

Resolutions

Right, new year's resolutions for 2011:

• make a career change
• get married
• write more letters

I reckon at least 2 of the 3 should be easy to stick to...