Moto mayhem

I feel that it is time for me to make an attempt at helping you imagine what the traffic is like in the cities of Vietnam, in particular the 100CC motorbike (from now on in referred to as 'motos') traffic.

Imagine, if you can, Oxford Street on a Saturday. If you've never been to London, just think of your busiest local shopping street and add in about 5-10 times more people. I hate Oxford Street: groups of varying numbers, sizes and ages of people forming roughly two lanes going in opposite directions, but with plenty of people just walking wherever they damn well like. There're the old ladies who toddle along at snails' pace, the stressed out business people charging through at high speed, the large families sightseeing and the shoppers who just swerve out and across the whole crowd without looking to get to their shop/sight goal and the worst of all - those idiots who just come to a sudden stop right in front of you with no warning. Everyone has shopping bags and/or prams and/or briefcases, many are on their mobiles. You get the idea.

Now, put them all on motos.
If it's a group of 3, they're all on 1 moto, if they've got shopping, that's hanging off the front/side/back of the moto too, yes, even if it's a PC or a month's worth of supermarket shopping.

Add in 1 car to every 20 motos, and a bunch of bicycles and the odd buffalo-cart and mobile street stall.

To finish it off, every single one of those people has a nervous twitch in their left hand which happens to be near the button for the horn.
This will be sounded to warn someone they're behind them, to warn someone coming at them that they're there, to warn someone in front of them that they're coming through, to make pedestrians vanish (my favourite), to thank someone for letting them past, to show off that their horn can play a funky tune, to warn that the police are around the next bend, for no apparent reason whatsoever.

As a pedestrian, you've got 2 choices:
1. Never cross a road, even at traffic lights, as many people ignore them.
2. Take a deep breath, step out when the traffic's a little bit lighter and walk across steadily and slowly, never run, and never stop. That's suicide.
When to step out? Well, the only rule is four wheels bad (they will never stop or slow down), two wheels worse (they often slow down and swerve, but sometimes don't, you can never be sure).


The moto and traffic is a HUGE part of travelling in SE Asia. Everyone talks about it a large proportion of the time, along with food and toilets. It's part of the fun and challenge of the place, and different from country to country.
In Vietnam, they argue that the city roads couldn't take all the cars that are replaced by the cheaper, nippier moto. Now seeing the terrible congestion problems in car-ridden Bangkok, I have to wonder if the Viets have a point.